


only the dead

by broken_halleluiah



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: And be a relationship, Backstory, F/F, Garnet is still learning how to use her powers, Gem War, Homeworld - Freeform, One-Shot, Panic Attack, Pearl has her own set of problems, implied PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 10:11:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5123735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_halleluiah/pseuds/broken_halleluiah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Garnet shares her future vision with a comrade in the heat of battle. It is a mistake. // Or, the only time Pearl doesn’t fall in front of Rose during the war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	only the dead

The shimmering band of heat across the horizon made it difficult for even Garnet to see a future beyond the battlefield. It had always been this, shrieking of metal, cries of pain, the corrosive scent of smoke rolling in waves toward them. It always would be like this.

A fireball blotted out the sky over her head, and Garnet ducked behind a boulder to await the blast. She could feel its heat radiating from a hundred feet above her. It was very likely that she and the Gem fighting beside her would be dead within moments.

But another possibility, one that Garnet had come to rely on like the power in her own two hands, spread a vibrating pink shield over their heads at the last possible moment. Garnet breathed out, blinking against the blinding light of the explosion. The other Gem hopped to her feet, bracing herself and gracefully riding out the ground’s lurch as the impact vibrated across the countryside. She crouched behind another nearby rock, limbs trembling, as the dust settled.

“Sapphire!” she called.

Garnet instinctively turned her head to the other Gem. It was Rose’s Pearl, her face and arms scraped raw and caked with mud still thick from yesterday’s rain. She screwed up her brow uncertainly. “Ruby? Ruby and Sapphire? I’m sorry; I’ve forgotten your name together.”

“S’okay.” Garnet punched an incoming projectile out of the sky. She didn’t see how the Pearl had time to be polite, but that would be far from the most unusual thing about her. It was rare to see a Pearl on the battlefield; rarer still to see the flag she carried that led the battalion forward. Garnet wondered if it felt strange for her to command _others_ now, but she had always refrained from asking. Garnet was the last person on the planet who wanted to ask unnecessarily intrusive questions.

She understood well enough when the Pearl twirled on tiptoe and flung her spear into the advancing guard. A cry and a flash of light in the distant haze indicated her deadly precision. She sunk behind the boulder again, and her eyes darted back to Garnet, fierce determination giving way to doubt.

“Our unit is to advance when Rose breaks through the front line.” Pearl risked another glance over the top of the rock and across the smoldering field. “But I’ve lost sight of her. I- I don’t know what to do now.”

A thousand possibilities simultaneously fired in Garnet’s mind, but she did not know where the other troops were positioned. It seemed that Pearl did.

“I can help you. Come here.”

Pearl slipped across the divide between them and knelt next to Garnet in the soupy mud. Garnet leaned forward and pressed her lips against the gem on her forehead. Pearl shut her eyes for a moment, wincing.

“There now. You should be able to see the best course of action.”

Of course, a potential victory wasn’t the only thing she saw. Garnet saw an array of other outcomes as well- _another two weeks straight of fighting and screaming, falling on the field with a sharp pain, Rose crumpling, their flag cracked over a knee and splinters ground into the dirt- fire hot enough to melt the shards down, stir the bubbling liquid into the mud_. Garnet saw it all in an instant and disregarded it, but Pearl, oh, her eyes glazed over, and Garnet realized her mistake.

“Pearl?”

“I… I…” The smaller Gem gasped for air, hands buried in her hair.

“Never mind all that, Pearl!” Garnet shook her shoulders sharply, but she remained frozen. “It won’t happen, do you hear me? We just need to keep moving!”

Footsteps churned the dust ahead of them. Dark forms appeared through the smoke.

Garnet let go of Pearl, and she slid to the ground. “Pearl, they’re coming! They’re coming, and you need to move _now!_ ”

It didn’t matter which direction. But Pearl remained crumpled where Garnet dropped her, folding forward so her forehead pressed against her knees. Garnet took a protective stance in front of her.

Two Kindergarten Gems launched themselves over the boulder. A whip stung Garnet’s shoulder. She caught hold of the long fiber and shot electricity through her gauntlet, stunning the Gem long enough to grab her leg and swing her into the boulder, above Pearl’s shivering form.

But three more were too many. Garnet landed a blow between the eyes of the first two, but the third pushed past her and thrust out her spear. A sharp cry of pain turned Garnet’s head.

A burst of smoke indicated that the blow had landed. Before the pearl could even clatter to the ground, a huge fist shot out and crunched it against the side of the boulder.

_No no no no no…_

Garnet quickly leveled the Gem responsible, and then she dropped to her knees, storing her gauntlets so she could dig through the mud for what she hoped was a mostly intact pearl. Oh, Rose would be devastated.

Garnet’s palm caught on something sharp, buried in the muck. She hissed and drew it back, cradling her scratched gem against her chest. She had to be careful, more methodical. It would be no good if she injured herself more seriously on these…

Shards. She’d scratched herself on someone else’s shards. Garnet almost cried out, but then the glint of another gem caught her eye in the flickering glow of the next volley.

The pearl was cracked almost through. But not quite. Garnet quickly wiped it on her pant leg and bubbled it, sending it under a rocky overhang several hundred yards behind them. If they held their ground, it’d be safe there.

And now to hold their ground.

* * *

 

After the battle Rose knelt in the middle of the field. The last wisps of smoke curled around her, and she wept.

In a way, it was strategy. It was how they healed their fallen soldiers. Attendants fanned out across the field, bringing her cracked Gems on cushions, bubbling any pieces larger than dust particles. And all through the twilight calm, Rose cried to save them.

Strategy aside, Garnet thought she wept more for the ones she couldn’t save.

Garnet hesitated a few yards away from her commander, cradling her hand against her chest. _It’s nothing, barely a scratch,_ a voice in her head whispered. _Let’s not waste her time._

She was unsteady on her feet, though, and another voice rose to the surface of her mind. _Don’t you dare fight me on this._

_It isn’t a big deal!_

_It will be if we don’t deal with it. I can_ see _these things!_

The opinions rose in pitch inside of her. Garnet wobbled on her feet, feeling suddenly torn and unstable. This was how she always ended. Ruby was too stubborn. They both were. She wouldn’t be able to hold herself together.

“Garnet?” Rose turned her head, as if hearing the murmured argument. “Are you alright?”

Was she? There was some disagreement on that point.

_Don’t you get it yet? When you’re hurt, it hurts me, too. That’s how it WORKS when we’re together._

And then abruptly, _Fine!_

The voices faded. That was new.

“It’s just a bit scratched,” Garnet muttered, holding out her hand. She watched Rose wipe a tear from her cheek and touch the drop to her gem.

The tiny mark disappeared, and the spots cleared from Garnet’s vision. Her whole body sagged with relief. “Thank you.”

“Of course. You’ve fought very bravely, Garnet.” Rose patted Garnet’s hand, still clutching it tightly. Her voice was heavy. “We… we lost so many today.”

“Oh, Rose, I have your Pearl.” Now that her mind was unencumbered by pain, Garnet promptly summoned the bubble she had sent away for safekeeping. “She’s been cracked, but not all the way through.”

Rose’s eyes widened. She pressed a hand against her mouth, nervous laughter tinkling unexpectedly through her tears. Garnet popped the bubble and handed her the cracked Gem.

“Thank you,” she managed in a whisper. Rose cradled it and stroked the long crack, her laughter crumbling into back into sobs again.

“I didn’t see her fall. She always goes down right in front of me. I though th-this time…” Her tears dripped onto the surface of the gem, and the crack stitched itself closed. Rose nodded in satisfaction. “I’m never letting her out of my sight again. Oh, she didn’t do anything foolish, did she, Garnet?”

“No. I did.” Garnet shifted her weight. “When Pearl regenerates, please notify me immediately.”

“I’ll do that. But it’s over, for now. Best to put it out of your mind.” Rose rested a hand on Garnet’s shoulder. “Rest, Garnet. You are free to relax and unfuse, if you like.”

Garnet stiffened. The thought of being separated- _being alone_ \- in all the smoke made her heart clench. “If it’s all the same to you, ma’am, I’ll stay together for a while.”

Rose smiled gently. “It’s all the same to me, Garnet.” She clasped Garnet’s shoulder and retired to her tent, clutching the repaired Pearl in her fist.

* * *

 

It was a solid week before Rose summoned Garnet with news. There was only one small skirmish in that time, with a pocket of Kindergarten Gems that had gotten separated during the Homeworld retreat. Garnet realized, with an unexpected glee, that she hadn’t unfused once during that week, not for a moment. She hadn’t even come close.

That was new too, and not unwelcome.

Rose met Garnet outside her tent. “She’s supposed to be resting,” she said in a weary voice that indicated Pearl was probably doing absolutely anything else. She pulled back the tent flap. “You can go in.”

Pearl paced the perimeter of the tent, hands clenched, staring blankly at the fluttering pink canvas. She didn’t seem to hear Garnet enter, but when she let the flap swish closed behind her, Pearl startled and drew her weapon.

“What’s going on?” Pearl demanded, craning her neck to see out of the tent. “Where’s Rose? Are we preparing for battle?”

Garnet held up her hands. “No. Everything’s calm.”

Pearl’s eyes flickered over her compatriot. “Then why are you…?”

Garnet only shrugged in response. Pearl’s cheeks flushed blue.

“My apologies.” Her eyes dropped back to the floor. “I guess I’m just… ready to get back out there. To fight again.”

She sank to the floor, hugging a cushion to her chest. It was a cushion that her gem rested on whenever she retreated into it.

“You’ve regenerated,” Garnet said simply. Regeneration was a slow, pain-staking process. Pearl was always on the frontlines, and if Rose spoke the truth, it was rare for her to see the end of a battle. Garnet wondered if she spent more time inside her gem than out of it these days. That seemed an exhausting way to live, always either about to die or recovering from that brink.

“It’s a bit of a rush job, but it’ll do for now.” Pearl smoothed her uniform with a critical eye. A few scratches and burns remained on her face, evidence that she had focused most of her energy on returning as quickly as possible. “I’m trying to get faster. So much happens without me.”

Garnet lowered herself to sit across from Pearl, in front of the tent flap. “I’m sorry.”

Pearl startled. “For what?” Then her cheeks flushed brighter. “Oh… oh, please never mind that. I just- I hope you didn’t tell anyone.”

“I didn’t. I hope you’ll forgive me. Sapphire has always been very cautious about sharing her ability with others in the _best_ of circumstances. I don’t yet have her experience.”

“I understand.” Pearl drew her knees up to her chin. “I think it must be torture to always see so many possibilities.”

“I don’t always look at all of the negative outcomes. Obviously,” Garnet admitted. “And I tend to focus on the futures that I want to see happen. If I had thought for a moment, I might have realized…”

“That I wouldn’t be able to handle it,” Pearl interrupted, her voice dripping with quiet self-contempt. She dragged a finger in anxious circles through the dirt.

Garnet shook her head insistently. “Pearl, I hardly know you at all. I made a dangerous assumption about your way of thinking. You have incredible strategy on the battlefield, and I assumed that you shut off your emotions when you fight.”

_Because you’re a Pearl_ hung in the air between them, but neither of them acknowledged it.

“But you don’t. You use your emotions to drive you. That takes incredible strength,” Garnet said.

Pearl just blushed silently, continuing to sketch patterns in the dust. Garnet recognized them as battle formations. Something ached inside her.

“I am learning that when- when one of us is hurt, we are all hurt. And so I’m very sorry for hurting you.”

Pearl’s hand stilled, then smoothed the dirt over again. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Garnet glanced back through the tent flap. “Rose told me you’re supposed to be resting.”

“Right. Yes. I am. I’m resting.” Pearl brushed the dirt off her hands hurriedly She lowered her head onto the cushion propped against her knees, then immediately lifted it again. “I have an idea. Why don’t you tell me about your favorite future?”

Garnet considered that for a moment. “We win.”

_They win, and it is over._ Pearl closed her eyes and almost whimpered in response to the simple words.

“We live beside the ocean-”

“On Earth?” she interrupted.

“Yes. By one of Earth’s oceans. Rose likes the ocean, and things are almost never on fire there.”

They both relished the thought in silence. Garnet let her gaze return to the present. “And you and I become very good friends, Pearl.”

Pearl smiled wearily at her. “It’s Garnet, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” she said, returning the smile slowly, cautiously, folding her hands together in her lap. “It’s Garnet now.”


End file.
